(At Arthur and Fran’s House; the Kitchen)
(Fran is cooking up pancakes. Arthur enters.)
Fran. Morning, dear.
Arthur. Morning. (Kisses Fran.)
Fran. Would you like some breakfast before you leave?
Arthur. Sure. What are you making?
Fran. Pancakes. They should be done in a minute.
Arthur. I’ll have two please.
Fran. Sure thing.
Arthur. Now don’t forget, we promised my father we’d visit him after I get out of work this afternoon.
Fran. I haven’t forgotten. I’m not that old, you know. While you were in the shower, Julie called. She said something came up so she wouldn’t be able to go in today. She asked if I could take her shift for her and I told her I would.
Arthur. When will you be getting out?
Fran. Around four. So I was thinking, once I get out, I’ll just call a cab and swing on over to the factory. And you and I could go to your father’s from there.
Arthur. Works for me.
Fran. Good. (Puts two pancakes on a plate. She walks over to the table and puts the plate in front of Arthur.) Here you go.
Arthur. Thanks.
(Fran walks back over to the stove and starts cooking breakfast for herself.)
Before I took a shower, I was reading an article on The Independent about this study that was conducted. Did you know that you are fourteen percent more likely to die on your birthday than any other day of the year?
Fran. Fourteen percent more likely to die on your birthday? How do they figure that?
Arthur. Well, the chances are more likely for those over sixty. Apparently, it’s brought on by the stress of the upcoming birthday. Deaths can result from things like heart attacks, strokes, cancer, fatal falls, or suicide.
Fran. The usual ways.
Arthur. And they say some just try to hold on as long as they can, so that they can make that birthday. And then once they do, they just let go.
Fran. (Nods.) Hmm.
Arthur. And you know, they also say that men are more likely to commit suicide than women.
Fran. How so?
Arthur. Too much alcohol consumed. Or if they’re unhappy. They say the odds of a woman committing suicide are low because a woman wouldn’t want to put those celebrating their birthday through all that agony and pain.
Fran. Hmm. Well, that is interesting. . . Oh, Arthur, I just remembered. When we go to your father’s house this evening, make sure we have his laundry with us. I was talking to him last night and I promised we’d bring it with us when go over there today.
Arthur. Where is it now?
Fran. It’s in the other room. It’s all been folded and placed in the basket.
Arthur. I’ll put it in the backseat before we leave.
Fran. Well, I mean, I can bring it outside. I suppose it doesn’t really matter who does it just so long as, between the two of us, it actually ends up in the car.
(End of scene.)
(At the Boarding House)
(Nadine comes down the stairs with Pat following behind.)
Pat. Nadine, we need to talk about last night.
Nadine. There’s nothing more to talk about.
Pat. Oh, yes there is!
Nadine. Let me rephrase then, there’s nothing more I want to talk about.
Pat. Oh, Nadine!
(Pat and Nadine exit.)
(End of scene.)
(At Norma’s House)
(Norma and Frank’s sister, Marge, pulls up in front of Norma’s house. She beeps her horn. Frank hears it and gets up off the couch to see what is going on. He notices that it’s Marge and then sees Norma walking outside, towards Marge’s car, with Frank’s suitcases.)
Norma. (to Marge.) I’ll put these in the back, Marge.
(Frank rushes outside in his boxers and a tank top to find out what is going on as Norma puts the suitcases in the trunk.)
Frank. Hey. Hey. Hey, what’s going on here?
Norma. I’m putting your suitcases in the trunk. And would it kill you to put on some pants?
Frank. What for?
Norma. Well, Frank, people tend to wear pants when they go out in public. It’s kind of like a tradition.
Frank. I mean about the suitcases.
Norma. I called Marge last night and I’ve arranged for you to go live with her.
Frank. (whispers.) I don’t want to live with her. She’s a nut.
Norma. (whispers.) I don’t care. Frank, in the short of amount of time you’ve been here, you have managed to . . . to . . . you know what, I don’t even know how to describe your time here. Point is, you need to leave. I have taken the liberty of packing everything but your shoes and the pair of pants you had on last night. Now go inside, get them, I don’t even care if you pick up the beer cans at this point, and leave.
Frank. But-
Norma. (interrupts.) This is not up for discussion, Frank. Now go inside, get your stuff, and get out.
Marge. (Shouts from inside the car.) Can we hurry it up? I'm babysitting for Jacob and Leslie.
Norma. Don’t worry, he’s going.
(Frank just stands there for a minute and realizes that Norma is serious. He turns around and goes back inside the house to grab his stuff.)
(End of scene.)
(At Norma’s House)
(Norma watches from the window as Marge and Frank pull out and drive off. Norma turns around and breathes a sigh of relief, knowing that Frank is gone and is Marge’s problem now.)
(End of scene.)
(At Marge’s House)
(Marge opens the front door and steps inside. Frank follows her holding his suitcases.)
Marge. Here we are. Now I can’t stay long but do you need anything before I go?
Frank. Um, no. I should be good.
Marge. All right. Jacob’s old room is at the end of the hall. That’s where you’ll be staying. The bathroom is right before it. I need to go. Give me a call if you need anything.
(Frank nods and Marge leaves. Frank stands there in the middle of the room, looking around at the house, realizing that for now, this is his home too.)
(End of scene.)
(At Jacob and Leslie’s House; the Kitchen)
(Leslie enters.)
Leslie. You’re mother hasn’t shown up yet. How about we just call someone else?
Jacob. Give her time. She’ll be here.
Leslie. I don’t know why you even called her in the first place. You know how I feel about her babysitting.
Jacob. Leslie, she’s his grandmother.
Leslie. So is my mother! But you have no problem turning her services down!
Jacob. That’s not true.
Leslie. Yes, it is! Every time my mother offers to babysit for us, you turn her down for whatever reason!
Jacob. My mother just happens to live closer to us.
Leslie. The drive my mother has to make isn’t much different.
Jacob. Ugh, Leslie.
Leslie. And every time your mother is over here, she’s always criticizing our parenting skills. Or more specifically, mine.
Jacob. Leslie-
Leslie. (Interrupts.) And heck, she doesn’t have to be here! You and I have been criticized plenty by her over the telephone! And you never do a thing about it!
Jacob. What do you want me to say?
Leslie. Anything, really! And if you’re not going to, I certainly will. I have no problem telling her to shu-
Jacob. (Interrupts.) Hang on a second. I think I heard a car pull up. (Jacob walks into the living room and looks out the window. He sees Marge getting out of her car.) My mother is here. Not a word of anything we just said, alright?
Leslie. Oh no, of course not. We wouldn’t want to upset mommy, now would we. . .
(Jacob goes and opens the front door for Marge.)
Marge. Sorry, I’m late. I had to help get Frank settled in at home.
Jacob. Uncle Frank is living with you now?
Marge. Yeah, things weren’t working out at Norma’s, which didn’t surprise me. Your aunt’s never been the easiest person to live with. Not to mention that she smokes like a chimney. So now Frank is living with me, just until he gets things sorted out with Trudy.
Leslie. Well, we ought to get going. Don’t want be late. There’s some food in the refrigerator and the freezer in case you or Darren want anything, though he ate before you got here so he should be fine.
Marge. Hopefully it was a nice home cooked meal and not some garbage from one of those fast-food restaurants like McDonalds or Burger King.
Leslie. Yes, it was a home cooked meal. I made it as soon as I got home from work. Would you like to know the contents that were inside of it or-
Jacob. (Interrupts.) Ah-ta-ta, I think we’d better get going. Don’t want to be late now.
(Leslie takes a deep breath in and lets it out to help calm herself down. She then walks over to the staircase.)
We should be back in a couple hours, mom.
Leslie. (Yells up the stairs to Darren.) Darren, we’re leaving. Your grandma Marge is here with you if you should need anything.
Darren. (Yells from his room.) Okay, mom.
Jacob. Our numbers are on the counter if you need to reach us.
Marge. Enjoy your evening. I’ll see you when you get back.
(Jacob and Leslie leave.)
(End of scene.)
(At Boris’ House)
(Boris opens the front door. It’s Fran and Arthur.)
Boris. Hello, Fran. Arthur.
Fran. Hi, Boris.
(Fran kisses him hello the cheek.)
Arthur. How are you doing, Dad?
Boris. I’ve had better days.
Fran. Your legs again?
Boris. Yeah. It’s not easy getting up and down those stairs. Even getting out of a chair just feels like too much.
Arthur. Oh, well, Dad, I wish you called. One of us would have come over.
Boris. Yeah, well, I didn’t want to be a bother.
Fran. Boris, we’ve told you before. You are not a bother.
Boris. Yeah, well . . .
(Arthur and Fran notice Boris’ suitcase.)
Arthur. Have you been packing?
Boris. Yeah, I, I have been trying to get everything ready for when I go to the hospital and rehab center.
Fran. Do you need any help?
Boris. No. No, I think I got it.
(Fran notices some unopened packages of socks and underwear on the table.)
Fran. Have you been out shopping?
Boris. Yeah, I figured I might as well buy myself some new clothes. I’m going to probably be losing some weight so my size is probably going to be going down a few.
Arthur. And you’ll be in the hospital for a week?
Boris. That’s what my doctor told me. And then I’m going to the rehab center for about two weeks once they think I’m strong enough.
Fran. Boris, we’ve been talking and we just don’t feel comfortable with you being here all by yourself after you get home from rehab.
Boris. Oh, well, there’s no need to worry.
Fran. Well, we were talking and we were wondering . . . how you would feel about moving in with us.
Boris. Fran, you’ve made this offer before.
Fran. This would only be a temporary arrangement, just until you’re better.
Boris. Now Fran, I appreciate the offer but I’m going to have to decline it.
Fran. But why?
Boris. I don’t want to be a bother to you two.
Fran. But you won’t be.
Boris. You say that now.
Fran. Oh, Boris . . .
Boris. Now I’m sorry, Fran, but I just prefer to remain here. Besides, the doctors told me that I should be perfectly fine once I leave rehab.
Fran. Really?
Arthur. So soon?
Boris. That’s what the doctors told me. They told me that if I wanted to drive home, I probably could.
Fran. I think it would be too soon for that.
Boris. We’ll see what happens but I do appreciate your offer, Fran.
Arthur. Now who’s driving you to the hospital? Fran and I are both available.
Fran. I thought it was already established that we were driving him. I already arranged my schedule around it.
Boris. I was going to have Dorothy from next-door drive me. She insisted on it so I said yes.
Arthur. Why didn’t you ask one of us? Or Etta?
Boris. I figured you all had to work.
Arthur. Well, like Fran said, we would have re-arranged our schedules.
Boris. Well, I’m sorry. I just didn’t want you to have to miss work because of me. If you want, I’ll call Dorothy and tell her I have other arrangements.
Arthur. We’re not going to force you to do anything.
Fran. We just want to make sure everything is set and ready.
Arthur. We’ll make sure to be there by the time your surgery is over.
Fran. What time did they say it would be done by?
Boris. Around 10:30 a.m.
(End of scene.)
(Brett’s Bar)
(A depressed Janice is sitting at the bar, drink in her hand, thinking about her troubles. Brett Gorman takes notice.)
Brett. Everything all right, Janice?
Janice. Not really.
Brett. You want to talk about it?
Janice. The factory was forced to lay off workers as a means to save money.
Brett. I heard. Another worker was in here the other day going on about it. . . I’m assuming then that you were one of the ones. . .
Janice. Yep.
Brett. I’m sorry to hear that.
Janice. So was I.
Brett. What are you going to do now?
Janice. Try and find a new job, I guess. What else can I do?
Brett. Why don't you go over to Lena’s? I'm sure she’d love to replace Willow.
(Janice chuckles.)
Your father owns Carver Corporations, Janice. If you want a job, just go see him.
Janice. I don't know. I don't like handouts and that's what I feel it would be. I want to get a job because I deserve it, not because I'm the boss' daughter.
Brett. It’s not like you're not qualified.
Janice. Yeah, but I mean to everyone working there, that's not why I would have gotten the job.
Brett. Who cares what they think.
(Janice shrugs.)
Janice, there's comes a time when one needs to put the needs of the family ahead of pride.
(Janice thinks about this. As she does, Helen walks in and takes a seat at the bar, next to Janice.)
Brett. Evening, Helen.
Helen. Hello, hon.
(Janice drinks what’s left in her glass.)
Janice. I got to go. Thanks for the drink, Brett.
Brett. I’ll see you around, Janice.
Janice. Bye, Helen.
Helen. Good-bye.
(Janice leaves.)
Goodness me, what’s going on with her?
Brett. Eh, she was one of the workers pink slipped the other day.
Helen. Oh, right. At Lothrop Industries. I heard about that. It’s been the talk of the city since it happened.
Brett. Well, Janice will be fine. I mean, after all her father does own Carver Corporations. Can I get you a drink, Helen?
Helen. I’d love one.
Brett. Anything in particular?
Helen. Surprise me. (Brett reaches down for a glass.) So how are you doing, hon?
Brett. Pretty good. Same old, same old, really.
Helen. Well, sadly, not much is new and exciting in my life either.
Brett. Here you go.
Helen. Thanks. (Takes a sip.) You know I sometimes ask myself why it is I stay in this city when there’s so much more out there. There are so many other places I could be right now. Exciting places.
Brett. Yeah, well, if you ever did decide to leave, we both know you wouldn’t be gone too long. You’d miss me too much.
Helen. That’s true. I’d miss our chats.
Brett. Well, cheers then, to living out the rest of our lives in Cedarmill.
Helen. Cheers.
(Brett and Helen toast and each take a sip from their glasses. Lorraine Carver walks in and takes a seat at the counter.)
Lorraine. I’ll have a double.
Brett. Everything all right, Mrs. Carver?
Lorraine. I don’t want to talk about it.
Brett. All right then.
Lorraine. My husband, he stood me up again!
Brett. No kidding. What happened?
Lorraine. We were supposed to have an early evening dinner together. We planned it in advance a few days ago, you know, where we would meet, what time we’d meet at. At this point, all he had to do was show up.
Helen. But he didn’t?
Lorraine. Nope. He calls me, tells me he got tied up and wouldn’t be able to make it. He said he was sorry, that he’d make it up to me, and then he hung up. Just like that. Ugh, I was so furious! I nearly launched my phone across the room! And you know, I probably wouldn’t be so mad if this were the first time he’s done this. But it’s not! These past few weeks, every time we’ve made plans, he’s called at the last minute and told me he wouldn’t be able to show for whatever reason it may be. At this point, I don’t even know why I was surprised that he didn’t show. You’d think by now, I’d be used to it! (Takes a sip of her drink.) Ugh, I’m just sick of it. Sick of it all!
Helen. Well, what are you going to do?
Lorraine. At this point, I don’t know. But I’m fed up and tired of business being put before me.
(End of scene.)
(At Il Palazzo delle Rose)
(Jacob and Leslie are enjoying dinner with Jacob’s co-workers when Leslie’s cell phone rings.)
Leslie. Excuse me for a moment.
(Leslie gets up and leaves the table to take the call.)
(Answers.) Hello? (Listens.) Marge, what is it? (Listens.) Well, we’re right in the middle of dinner right now. Why? What’s the matter? (Listens.) What do you mean you have to leave? When? (Listens.) Well, I’m sorry but we won’t be home for at least another hour. (Listens.) I’m sure whatever Frank needs is not that urgent or could at least be dealt with over the phone. (Listens.) Well, I’m sorry but if you knew something like this might come up, I wish you would have told us so we could have found someone else to babysit. (Listens.) No, I don’t want you taking Darren out. It’s late and he needs to go to bed because he has school in the morning. (Listens.) Marge, I- (Leslie tries to speak but can't because Marge is yelling. Leslie gets frustrated and hangs up. She then takes a deep breath in, lets it out, and returns to the table with the others.)
Jacob. Who was that?
Leslie. (Calmly.) Your mother. She asked me to have you call her. It sounded urgent.
Jacob. Did she say what about?
Leslie. She didn’t go into any details with me. She just told me to tell you to call her as soon as you can.
Jacob. All right then. If you’ll excuse me.
(His co-workers nod and Jacob leaves to call Marge. Leslie takes a sip of her champagne.)
(End of scene.)
(At Il Palazzo delle Rose)
(Jacob returns to the table after finishing his phone call with Marge.)
Jacob. Umm, if you’ll all excuse me one more time. I need to borrow my wife for a minute.
Leslie. What for?
Jacob. Just need to talk to you real quick.
Leslie. (sighs.) Okay. Fine.
(Leslie gets up out of out her chair.)
(To the others at the table.) We’ll be right back.
(Leslie and Jacob walk over by the bar.)
(Frustrated.) What do you need?
Jacob. I need you to call your mother and ask if she’s able to babysit.
Leslie. What?! Jacob, I’m not going to do that. I’m sure she and my father have made other plans for themselves.
Jacob. Well, my mother has to leave. And now she’s really pissed that you hung up on her.
Leslie. That woman was yelling and berating me. I wasn’t just going to stand there and take it.
Jacob. Look, we’ll talk about that later. But right now, can you please call your parents and just see if they’re available.
Leslie. No, I’m not going to do that to them!
Jacob. Then what are we going-
Leslie. (Interrupts.) You know what, I have an idea. Give me the car keys.
Jacob. What for?
Leslie. Just give them to me.
(Jacob reaches into his pocket for his car keys and hands them to Leslie. Leslie then reaches inside her purse and pulls out some cash. She counts out a certain amount and puts the rest back in her purse.)
Here you go.
Jacob. What is this?
Leslie. That is money for a taxi. When you are done here, you call yourself one and have them drive you home.
Jacob. Wait, but . . . what are you going to do?
Leslie. I am going to go grab my coat and then I’m going home to be with Darren. I’ll see you when you get home later on. Tell the others I apologize for leaving so abruptly but something came up.
(Leslie turns around and makes her way to the coat room. Jacob tries to say something but Leslie is already gone.)
(End of scene.)
(At Jacob and Leslie’s House; In the Kitchen)
(Leslie is in her pajamas, talking on the phone with her mother while cutting herself up an apple as a small snack for herself.)
Leslie. I didn’t want to inconvenience you or daddy just because of her, not that I wanted her to babysit in the first place anyways. But she said she would do it. And then she calls me in the middle of dinner, tells me that Frank needs her right away for something, which you and I both know in her case, was probably nothing big. (Listens.) Yeah, so anyways, she calls me, tells me she has to go help him, and then starts flipping out on me for no reason whatsoever. (Listens.) Well, I hung up on her. I wasn’t going to listen to that. (Listens.) Oh, she was even more pissed, like I care. (Listens.) Well afterwards, she talked to Jacob, who once again made me out to be the bad guy. (Listens.) Mom, I’m absolutely sick of him taking her side over mine. It’s like I said before, she’ll criticize me and he’ll say nothing. Even when she criticizes him, he still says nothing. It’s absolutely ridiculous and I- (Hears the front door unlock.) Mom, Jacob’s coming in. I’ll talk about this more with you tomorrow. (Listens.) All right. Love you too. Good night.
(Leslie hangs up the phone and continues cutting her apple as Jacob walks in.)
Jacob. Who was that on the phone?
Leslie. My mother.
Jacob. What did she need?
Leslie. She just wanted to talk.
(Leslie puts her knife in the sink and then grabs her plate. She heads to the living room. Jacob follows her. Leslie takes a seat on the couch but Jacob remains standing.)
Jacob. Where’s Darren?
Leslie. He’s upstairs playing. I told him he can go to bed in half an hour.
Jacob. . . . Leslie, look. About what happened at dinner tonight.
Leslie. (Raises her finger towards him.) Ah! I don’t want to hear it! I’ve had enough excitement for one night, complete with the unsupportive husband and the mother-in-law from hell.
Jacob. I take it things didn’t go well when you got here.
Leslie. (Shakes her head.) No. When I got here, as expected, she started screaming and bitching at me to the point where I told her to get the hell out.
Jacob. Leslie, you didn’t.
Leslie. No, I did. I’m actually surprised she didn’t call you to let you know that.
Jacob. Leslie, all you did was make matters worse.
Leslie. And there it is. Once again, I’m the bad guy. And your mother is the one who can do no wrong.
Jacob. It’s not like that.
Leslie. No, I think it is . . . You know what? I’m not that hungry. (Leslie gets up off the couch and hands her plate of apple slices to Jacob.) I am going upstairs to get some aspirin for this headache I have and then I am going to bed. Good night.
(Jacob stands there as Leslie leaves the room and heads upstairs. He looks down at the plate of apples as he tries to sort things out in his head and figure out what to do.)
(End of scene.)
© 2013 David J. McRae
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